I'm baaa-aaack!

Just in time for Halloween and whatnot. Effie's blog. In scare-o-vision.  Ahhhhh!

S'up?

It's been scary around here folks. Way scary.  Nothing to do with Halloween ghosties and goblins, nevertheless the theme fits.  What happened? I fell off the planet.  Now, that may seem kinda kewl. I mean astronauts do it all the time on purpose.  Well, those folks have training...and a spacesuit.  Let me tell you, zero gravity can be very disorienting without even so much as a point of reference such as the Big Blue Marble looming majestically over your shoulder. I had nada, zilch, nothing. Except hope. Hope was enough. 

Have you ever had so many things go wrong all at once that you just stopped being upset and began to laugh? I found myself shaking my fist at the Universe defiantly taunting, "Is that all ya got?!?"  I'm no wimp my friends.  I'm a from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks, do-what-you-gotta-do, kick-useless-people-and-pursuits-to-the-curb sort of a human. I've been there, done that and then some.  Homelessness: check. Poverty: check. Abusive people: check. Physical illness: check. Motherly angst: check check. 

This time was only different in one way; it all came at once. Perfect storm. Perfectly awful.  My hobbled together defenses and reserves were quickly overrun and my remaining wits and on-the-spot-whipped-up solutions were breached and I was left alone with the onslaught and...zero gravity. 

Some a lot of it was my fault.  Not helpful in the moment, though we are on this planet to learn aren't we?  The obvious blame could go to my insufficient financial preparedness and my organizational deficiencies. It could, however that would be a ruse. The fact is I'm a rather capable and talented person. *Whew, that took a lot of self-growth to be able to say out loud.   

I am just overFRIGGINwhelmed. 

So, where is the "my fault" part?  Really, it's about how I choose to self-medicate.  I don't use drugs, alcohol or other typical choices.  I use isolation.  I am a heavy user.  When things got difficult I relied on myself to handle it.  When things got scary I started cutting off the supportive people in my life due to my weird need to turn down the noise in my own head and to feeling a bit embarrassed.  When things got terrifying...I disappeared.  

Like other sorts of self-medications the temporary relief that isolationism grants only gives way to bigger and badder problems and ultimately to rock bottom.   Only my rock bottom resembled being launched from a Thermosphere orbiter into the black vastness of space. Hey, rock bottom is subjective. 

So there I was, sitting in my car at a Winn-Dixie having just dumped all of my son's piggy bank coins into a Coin Star machine in order to keep the electricity on for another two weeks.  This was the piggy bank that we had been putting coins in all year to pay for his Christmas present: a train that would go around his room on the wall.  Not an expensive one. Mom can build the wall shelf. Just a cool train that has a remote that he can understand.  I didn't want to do it.  It hurt.  Then the surprise (one of many) the machine only gave me half of the amount I had in the jar. HALF. I emptied my son's Christmas money and still didn't end up with enough to pay the bill, plus I was running out of gas. Sitting there watching the gauge and calculating how we would get through the month with no power, no gas, and no water. I finally gave in. I mean, I just...gave in.  There's really no point in trying to breathe in outer-space anyway.  

There was nothing left to try. Nothing that I could pull off with my own resources, anyway.  Keep in mind, I am with my son who is a 24/7 job and do not have the options that others have in these circumstances.  I am not above asking folks if they need some housework done or light handy-woman work. It's just that I'm not free to do those things with my Wubie in tow. He has simply not been able to be in school much.  Hardly at all. But, I digress. Point is, I was out there, holding my breath and out of tools to launch in the opposite direction to propel me closer to Earth's gravity.  (Physics reference.)  

Back to the "my fault" paradigm.  I am a stubborn human. I am prideful and strong willed.  I want to not be looked at as "that person" who always needs help in one form or another. So when resources (such as any form of respite care, medical care, and financial means) kept disappearing one by one, I just kept going on and not asking for assistance.  I'm not being too hard on myself here. The only way for a person to grow is to look their negative characteristics in the eye and name them. First step, anyway. 

What I did NOT want to do is to admit to anyone that I couldn't handle it. God had other plans.  (Isn't that always the case?)  Everything that I tried; everything that SHOULD have worked didn't.  I did a lot of things that I would still advise others to try in my circumstances.  Smart things.  Hard working things. Honest things. Well, that was not what the Creator wanted me to do.  So, I was in rebellion.  Did you know that you can actually be doing the wrong thing the whole time you are doing the "right" things?  I was supposed to be reaching out.  I was supposed to be opening up a little.  I was supposed to be relying on old friends and making new ones. But, I was being the prodigal mom. 

Then I took a tiny step in the right direction, just a tiny little space walk, and BANG things changed.  I called my cousin.  She is one of several people that had been trying to get in touch with me for several months and I've been regretfully causing to worry.  I did toss out a couple of texts just to let them know I'm alive, but that was it. "I'm alive. Can't talk now."  

The day before the Winn-Dixie incident I had reached her and she was obviously disquieted to the point of calling several resources in my area.  I don't really remember that conversation except that I know I wasn't making much sense.  Stress can make you sound like a psychopath.  While I was in the store explaining to three different managers that I knew they didn't have anything to do with Coin Star and couldn't get my money back, howeverI thought they should know the machine was ripping people off and that I was not a person in a financial position to be ripped off so nonchalantly and  my nearly twelve-year-old, non-verbal, 90-pound son was having a classic Autism melt-down though the experience which helped to emphasize my point...breathe...I missed a phone call.   

So there I was sitting in the parking lot after the massacre was over  contemplating how much A/C we could experience from the remaining gas in the car and I noticed that I had missed the call.  I don't know why I even looked, hadn't heard a thing, but there it was.  It was a local pastor.  He asked me how I was doing.  I told him I was having a bad minute.  I quickly tried to get through the story of what was happening. There were tears.  I don't often do tears. Yet, I wasn't in that moment embarrassed.  I was at the end of me. Embarrassment disappears when you are at the end of yourself.   He gave me short simple instructions, "Get home. Call me. We will take care of one thing at a time."  I think he was concerned about my state-of-mind driving home.  He was right to be concerned.  I told him, "I would say that it is a tremendous coincidence that you called at this precise moment, but we both know better than that."

That was last week. Just last week, but when I let go and stopped trying to do things my way gravity kicked in. The bills have been paid enough to keep the lights and water on.  My son is beginning to get a short amount of respite care (3 hours a week which is way better than nothing).  Most shockingly (for me) I've been accepted into a downtown art gallery for absolutely no good reason as most of my previous work has been sold or given away so I don't really even have much to show an owner. Just...wow.  I am still being inundated with challenges, Wubie is still not in school much, I still have a ton of work and now a giant deadline to meet with the gallery opening and I'm not feeling well (another issue unresolved), yet I don't want to fill up my blog space with a litany of negative statements. What I'm experiencing now is 'peace in the midst of the storm', well, in the midst of space.  Only now it's not outer-space anymore. I'm earthbound again.    I'm still in the Stratosphere, but heading in the right direction and while I hold my breath a while longer I am taking the moment to appreciate the peacefulness. In space, Someone can still hear you cry. 

Random Thoughts 5/14/12

WHY haven’t they invented USB direct-to -brain connections yet??? 

Which brings me to …

WHY do I always think of the best, most creative things right before I fall asleep when I’m too tired to get up and write it down?

Will I remember all of that stuff in Heaven? 

Will I still think it’s cool?

I miss my record collection.

I’m still upset about Pluto.

Turquoise is a brilliant color.  Life should have more turquoise.

I ate pumpkin pie in May.  It seemed wrong.

I thought I would like the light blue nail polish, but it made my toes look corpse-y.

Dieting tip: eating a few bites right off the whole pie while standing at the counter instead of sitting with a slice does NOT reduce calories.  I mean, you think it would, but it doesn’t.

Note to self: next time incorporate jogging in place.

Does the 5-second rule apply to panty liners?  Think about it.

Why do I feel too girlie sometimes and too butch sometimes, but seldom just right?

Theory: it depends on how the other women are dressed around me. 

Observation: the older I get the less I care.

A good day starts with a well-fitting bra.

I wonder if men have some kind of equivalent to a well-fitting bra.

Hmm…

Wait. What?

I wonder what it would be like to not have ADD.

Not anymore, now I’m wondering if they will ever shrink real ponies to Barbie size.

Probably not.

A turquoise pony would be cool.

What if the funniest movie of all time has already been done?  Then all of the movies from now on won’t be as funny.  That’s sad.

What if I haven’t seen the funniest movie of all time and I never will?  That’s sadder.

Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but what if everyone else has seen the funniest movie in the world and they won’t tell me what it is? 

Crap.

That would suck.

Why do my friends hate me?

I should get new friends.

Then I won’t have to be so paranoid.

I am glad to be such a good problem-solver.

Sometimes I stay up late when I don’t want to face the next day.  Like a part of me believes I can rebel against the sunrise.  Then those damn birds…

The upside of being tired: stuff is funnier.

I’m sure when I’m better rested I won’t find any of this as hilarious as I do now.

Who am I kidding? I’m never ‘better rested’.

There should be a way to get free liposuction by donating your fat to science.

Science needs your fat.

Science has trouble gaining weight.

I think people who have trouble gaining weight are just showing off.  If they weren’t then we wouldn’t know about them. They would keep it to their selves.

Maybe I need to be more empathetic to the plight of the skinny.

Maybe miniature ponies will gallop out of my…

I think I’m on a tangent.

Tangent: geometric term. 

It’s funny how many math terms we use in everyday language, but most don’t recognize them as math terms. 

Math isn’t hard. It’s boring.

Yes, we use it for everything.  Yes, even art. Still boring.

Why is blue cheese so disgusting looking but so yummy?

Should I consider quitting my Diet Coke habit?

That felt wrong just typing it.

I think I might have to write a letter of apology to Coca-Cola in case I’ve offended them.

I miss letters.

And envelopes.

With your real name and address on them.

Not your email address.

I got letters from my friend in Japan when I was a kid. That was so cool.

E-mails from Japan, not so cool.

Bugs find me delicious.

I suppose I should be flattered.

Oh crap he’s awake.

1:52AM, going to be a long night.

It's a Blog Hop Party, Lets Link

Linky follower blog hop. Party info below....

LINKY FOLLOWER PARTY HOP

RULES:

1. You MUST have the LINKY FOLLOWERS tool on your site to participate.

If you see that your link has been deleted you need to add the LINKY FOLLOWER tool to your site and then come back over and re-enter your link
{You can have both the LINKY FOLLOWERS & GFC on your site but you must have the LINKY FOLLOWERS tool to participate in this party hop.}

2. You MUST follow the person who has the party on their site as a thank you.

3. Just add your blog button to the LINKY PARTY below.

4.Then grab the BLOG HOP code

You will find the code right under the Linky Party where it says CLICK HERE TO ENTER–

just under that it says: WHAT IS A BLOG HOP? GET THE CODE HERE

Click on GET THE CODE HERE and enter it into a post on your site.

You can grab the party button code in the FOOTER at Its So Very Cheri

You can grab info from my post if it helps you with your post.

5. Then you follow other bloggers–(as many as you want)
–leave each one of the blogs that you follow a comment letting them know you are following them and ask them to follow you back.

If you want to add the BLOG HOP to your own site you will get lots of new followers–(see rule #2)

So come on link up, meet some new friends, see new territory and get some new ideas. What are you waiting for, hop aboard.

Good Morning...and it was

Went to the beach this morning to clear my head of the weekend. I also find the ocean air helps when I'm fighting a virus. Maybe it's in my head, but I'm OK with that.

Some stormy looking clouds were moving in, but they wimped out and dissipated.  No rain. Unfortunately, as we could use it here.

Nearly had the whole beach to myself...

except for these guys.

They are called "Piping Plover".  They are adorable to watch. They run around the water line all nervous-like as the tide pulls back they run towards the ocean looking for food and they sprint away when the water returns.  They look like they're afraid to get their feet wet. 

Run away! Aaaahhhh!

I did bring one friend with me.

"Hello."

There was an older gentleman there using a metal detector swishing it all around up and down the beach.  I found him to be so "local" that he was adorable.  I realized that we both were finding our own treasure there.  Here's mine...

Morning breaking through the stormy clouds.

No wonder we call it The Treasure Coast here.  I am truly blessed.

Is it Monday yet?

The Wubie has been home from school since yesterday. Fever and bad attitude. So, 4 days of Wubie and Momma.

Enter the mind of the autism mom: All of the fingernails on my right hand are broken. I hate my hair. I think I ate 3 dinners last night. I can't find my cell phone charger. I was supposed to go to the bank. I think we are out of his favorite snack bars. I can't feel my legs. I hope the neighbors don't complain about the lawn. I forgot to plug the home phone back in. I just ended a sentence with a preposition. What is he doing now? OMG, there is paint all over the bathroom tiles. I forgot to put that final load of laundry in the dryer last night. Oh no! He got into my makeup...again. Why does he only have one each of all of his shoes? Can these sheets last one more night? Why won't he eat his favorite food? How high of a fever warrants a doctors appointment? How am I going to get him dressed and into the car when he's stomping his feet and barking at me? Is he napping? Should I lie down? Oh crap, he's up. How many hours of sleep did we get this week? Oh great, stupid sales call woke him up, unplugging phone again. I have to remember to call people and tell them phone is unplugged so they don't worry. Is it too early? Is it too late? What day is it?

Who want's a vacation?

Other posts you might like:

Motionless Mondays

Mommy and Me Craft

Easter Egg Cards

Just a quick post to show you the kewl Easter cards The Wubie and I made for his Gammy and Daddy and Step Mom. We used light blue poster board and my old standby Canson Canva-Paper.



First, The Wubie painted an entire sheet of Canva-paper in shades of green for grass. Then I quartered a sheet for him to cover in four different colors for the eggs. We choice bright colors even though they aren't as "Eastery" since I wanted to upcycle an old beloved shirt that he outgrew.



The happy rainbow stripes were our color pallet.

I drew a basic egg-shape on regular paper for a template. After covering the table with plastic wrap to prevent marker-bleed, I simply traced eggs onto the painted paper and half of the shirt body and cut them out.



Hint: Draw the eggs on the wrong side of the fabric and back of the painted eggs so you won't have to worry about trimming the marker from the edges. (I messed up with the painted eggs, but had it worked out by the time I got to the fabric.)

I cut the green Canva-paper in half and freehand drew some grassy shapes to cut out as well. We folded the poster board in half to make the card base. We also used stickers to letter the greeting, "Happy Easter". Then we just played with the arrangement until it "felt" right.



Voilà!

Now, these cards are big...



Here they are next to a can of my beloved Diet Coke™ for perspective.

I put a picture of The Wubie holding the card inside of the card. (Yay, technology!) and a The Wubie added a few stickers and signed his name with love.



Happy Easter Everyone!!!

Egg Plate

Cool vintage egg server I picked up at local indoor flea market.



No marks on the bottom, but the colors and the pattern indicate 1950's.
My favorite decor era!

Happy Easter!

UPDATE: Did some research and found this egg plate was made by a company called Canonsburg in Pennsylvania. They existed from 1900 to 1978. This particular pattern is called "WILD CLOVER" and was indeed produced in the 1950s and discontinued in 1960. This is part of why I enjoy vintage items. I love to find out about them. This is also why I sell on eBay and other online venues. I will be posting some eBay tips soon. Stay tuned!

Broken Shoes and Double Rainbows

Ouch!

I'm a shoe girl.  This hurt my heart. Sigh...anyhoos.   

I took this pic to share with my friends the sort of day I was having.  The shoes weren't my favorite, so it was more of a metaphor really.  Walking forward as rightly as I can.  Even taking some time to look cute.  Out of nowhere, my glue breaks down and I'm hobbling like a disoriented zombie.  

This isn't just caused by poorly constructed shoes.  Sometimes it's hormonal imbalance, unexpected phone calls, unwelcomed mail, a bad night's sleep, or a friend disappointing.  Truth be told, I expect the list could go on forever.  It seems I am perpetually one step away from a vapid stare and insatiable hunger for fresh brains. 

That is why it amuses me to hear people give me the "you are such a strong person" pep talk.  I appreciate the emotional support, but in reality the praise is misplaced.  I am a child of God. In my weakness I am made strong because of my faith.  

Double Rainbow!!

I realize that not everyone has the same perspective on this.  However, I think that most can at least appreciate the principle in this way; I choose to accept my weaknesses and not let them become my excuse for not continuing to move forward.  I choose to appreciate the goodness around, gifts given, and lessons learned so that my riches are beyond mere physical measure and my treasure trove is boundless. 

Yes, it was "all the way across the sky"!

What a great day I had!

Family Words

Guda Guda Guda

I once read somewhere the lament of an avid blog-reader. They hated it when they had gone to a blog only to find the most recent post an apology for not having posted in a while.  So, I won't apologize.  I'll only acknowledge the fact that I have been not very bloggy lately and that I intend to get back on the blog wagon forthwith. 

With that acknowledgment, I will also mention that I missed out on the entire end-of-year holiday season and winter all together. So, this post is to sort of make up for that.  Thinking of that time of year (recently and not so recent past) one immediately thinks of family.  Good or bad, a holiday means family.  I won't be filling this space with my family's charming Christmas-past stories.  Frankly, I don't have that many so I'll save it for next year when it's timely.

Instead, I want to bring up a curious family phenomenon that I realized most of us share, but few of us discuss: the made-up family word. In your immediate and sometimes extended family you will have a family word or two or more.  Sometimes they are made up by the children and adopted by the parents because they are cute. Sometimes it is your crazy aunt who can't think of what a thing is called so she makes up a term that everyone picks up. Sometimes it is a mystery and everyone just uses that word and knows it's meaning.  Those can be the most embarrassing in later life. If you were raised with the word and no one told you it was just a made-up word and you put it in your term paper or use it in front of the wrong crowd...cringe.

In my family we had a few:

Twirkles: n. [twur-kuhls]  any of various implements consisting of two arms hinged, pivoted,or otherwise fastened together, for seizing, holding, or lifting something.  Known by the rest of the English speaking world as 'tongs'.  

Flinkers: n. [fling-kers]  a light that flashes intermittently, especially one that serves as a traffic signal. Known to the rest of the English speaking world as 'blinkers' or 'turn signals'. (I admit responsibility for this one.)

Guda Guda Guda: n. [goo-duh goo-duh goo-duh] water. Specifically, the water that comes out of the tap in a waterfall fashion.  It also helps to move your fingers in a wiggly way when pronouncing this word so as to further emphasize that particular water. Note: this word has nothing to do with cheese.  (This was a baby-brother word that the family adopted.)

Foocockery: n. [foo-kok-uh-ree] a stupid act or notion. What kind of foocockery have you pulled this time? (This one is mine as well.  I heard Amy Winehouse sing a similar, more r-rated word years later and wondered if she had spied on me. I guess we'll never know.) 

There were others and, I'm sure, a few I don't remember.   Oh, there is also a phrase:

Stepped on a frog: v. past-tense [stept-awn-ey-frawg] 1. flatus expelled through the anus. 2. Farted. (This came from my sis-in-law. Bless her heart.) This one led to many variations: froggie-butt, froggie-boy, etc. It's a way to be crude in public without being crude in public. 

So tell me, do you have any family words?  Are they as embarrassing as mine?  Care to share?